misc.
circumstances and degrees of unhappiness accounts for different expressions of it.
i can still smile and laugh along with everyone else when my heart is bleeding when all i want is to hide in a corner by myself and cry.
i can look all sad and depressed when all i'm experiencing is nothing more than PMS.
i can look as if nothing happened and just give a dazed look when it's something as serious as losing my grandma.
sometimes, the more serious the incident, the less expression you portray.
it would be at a point where you don't even know what to feel, much less how to show it.
crying is nothing but venting, pouring out the pain you feel in your heart, and bringing back nothing: not the person, not the loss, not even the memories.
and when time finally lighten the pain and burden you feel in your heart, you can smile again.
but nothing will be the same, no matter how much the rest want or think it would be.
how naive and immature to think that way.
yet, maybe that is the only time when self-denial is beneficial.
when nothing you do can ever mask or dull the pain, perhaps only self denial can grant you that release, the release you so badly need for the elevation of the sadness that envelopes you and seems to never ever want to go away.
